6 weeks in....

my roommate just posted on her blog after several months of inactivity.......and it just wouldn't be right to let her win "the most recent blog" award.

so i suppose here's the snapshot of my life since initiatives.....

i'm a teacher. holy freaking cow.....i'm a teacher.


block periods of high school algebra I, geometry, algebra II.....
middle school remedial algebra I, pre algebra, and advanced algebra I.......

it's incredible......it's such a blast to invest in these students.......it's so aggravating to watch them settle for less.......they take pride in testing me......they want to involve me in their drama....... they want me to hand them a passing grade for free........some days they "get it".....other days i think they get dumber by spending more time with me...

it's so hard. i am completely exhausted.

i was warned about this first year of teaching......i spend about 10 hours at school every day, only to come home to more grading and lesson planning. some days, i don't know what i'm teaching until 20 minutes before class starts. i don't know that i could have a slogan more true than "eat. sleep. teach." (except the sleeping part.)

but i am happy here. i couldn't live in a better place. i rent from friends who feed me, clean for me, entertain me, and grade homework for me. it just can't get any better.

this is good. this is so good.

initiatives

being at camp.......i am falling in love with initiatives all over again.

initiatives: those activities specifically designed to promote communication, teamwork, and unity within a community. (from the puma's revised dictionary 2009)

we do initiatives as a staff during orientation week so that later, we can do them with the campers:

• flying v
• teepee shuffle
• spider web
• lava boots
• human knot
• shrinking circle
• magic carpet
• wire walk
• the wall

and my new favorite: pipe dreams.......


of course there's several more that i haven't mentioned....

during initiatives, we learn immeasurably more about each other than we could possibly learn during "hot seat" or "cabin talk." we watch people assume the leadership role while others sometimes fight to have their voice heard. we stretch people beyond their comfort zone. we force people to depend on others rather than themselves and we remind still others that they are worthy of being trusted. everyone has a role--which could change without warning--and everyone is important.

bring on the campers.......we're ready to discover what happens in this new community.

long time passing.......

i've been told that it's about time for me to start blogging again. it's been several months since the previous post and i do hope this one does a bit of justice for the absence.

a lot has happened in the past couple months:

• i graduated (just waiting for the diploma to prove it)
• i got hired
• i'm moving into a house (no more apartment!!)
• we hired a new female lead counselor for this summer
  

and there's a lot left to do:

• weddings
• camp
• summer school
• the actual packing/moving thing
  
• paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, paper......................

i've accumulated a lot of stuff in twenty-some-odd years. and just now, i'm realizing how insignificant (or important) that stuff is. it's like a slow-motion version of that old dilema: there's a fire in your house and you only have time to rescue three items.......

what am i going to bring?

what are those necessities that i just can't leave behind? what are those things that won't annoy my future roommates because they "take up too much space?" which of these items is most usefull? could this have a purpose in my future classroom? is there enough space in my car for this?

i spend so much time on these questions and then....when i've had it up to here with all the stress......i just have to laugh. these luxuries that i've treasured for so long aren't making my life any more luxurious than it was before.

it's all so silly and obvious.........i've heard this stuff about clutter a million times......

and yet here i am......an "educated person" and i still have to purge.....

the christmas letter

for the past several (i think 5 or 6) years, my christmas duty has been to write the "traditional" family christmas letter. that annual thing that goes out at the end of every year and recounts only family highlihts.....sound familiar?

well.....this year, the chrismas letter is available via email in a jpg format. if you're interested, send send me a location and i'll get it to you soon.

so as to not give the surprises in this year's letter away.......here's last year's edition.....

the end

someone reminded me recently that i haven't blogged in a while....

holy smokes! it's been about two months!

the end of this last semester was overwhelming to say the least. no-sleep-november quickly progressed to dead-week and then finals.......ugh....

funny thing though. now that the semester is over.....and the grades are all in.....i don't remember the pain and stress nearly as vividly as the incredible support of friends, roommates, and mentors during that season.

thank you, friends. all of you who prayed/continue to pray for strength and healing. and darn it! words just aren't adequate right now. i'm so blessed.......there's little more i can say.....

quick thought before my paper

as tyler said......"liturgical chapel is one of those gems..." (or something like that)

i love liturgy
it reminds me of my participation in this family of God that extends beyond borders, denominations, cultures, generations, etc.
during a liturgical service, i am no longer alone in my Christianity
God is no longer engaged in conversation with me alone

WE are together
liturgy = We and God

....

at least that's what i thought

but what about when liturgy was first composed?

what about this council of nicea, or this spanish inquisition? the crusades? nazi germany? what about all the voices and traditions of the early Church that were ignored in the creation of sayings that would be repeated for centuries in the future?

please don't mis-interpret what i'm saying. i still love liturgy, and will always love the depth and intimacy and communion that comes with participation in traditional sacraments. but if i am going to join in this community that spans generations, then i am going to join in the sins of those have come before me. in some respect, my identity will always be tied to them.

i honestly don't know what to do with that.

amazing grace, how sweet the sound....

scheduling.

so.....i have this habit.....

i like my days to have purpose and meaning. i like them to be full of stuff to do......places to be.....people to talk with.....

i like that every day in israel was full of activity and learning from the moment we woke up to the moment we crawled into bed. i like that my team planned every minute of camp with stuff designed to draw the campers into a family. i like hearing people say, "it's only monday?!?!?! we've done so much already!!!" i like busyness because it makes me feel less wasteful.

but there's a problem.......

busyness often leads to weariness........

it seems inevitable......i'm almost counting down the days before my roommates and i get overwhelmed with the new college schedule. there's a looming dread of "no-sleep-november" and "midterm-maddness." in spite of all the joys and excitements of the first few weeks, the hellish-winter is always waiting........taunting even......

what does it take to avoid the bitterness of winter? i mean, why shouldn't we be able to continue in joyful spirits.....knowing that every minute we live is a minute of purpose? why shouldn't we be excited to wake up at 7:00am in order to make it to class/work on time?

hmm.......maybe that's it. maybe there's a "we" factor to this whole mess. maybe the weariness comes from carrying too many burdens on our own personal shoulders? maybe sometime between september and november, we turn our focus towards individual miderms, and forget about the community? we forget about how these midterms can affect the global Church, and just strive to get that grade that we need.......or something.

maybe i'm stretching a bit too much. but i really want to know what it is that keeps me in good spirits during camp, and prevents me from those good spirits during finals......and i want to know why that can't be avoided.

nostalgia

.....from the greek nostos "returning home" and algos "pain"

i miss jerusalem

i miss galilee

i miss hanford

i miss big bear

i miss rancho la sherpa

i miss......

the problem with college is that one develops too many homes and too many families.

this is also what we did

jr. high camp 2008

this is what we did

logging camp 2008

and i'm sick...

logging camp 2008 ended yesterday at about 11:00am.....

....which means the entire staff completely crashed in order to prepare for our next week.
(2 hour naps all around!)

but oh, friends! i love what we do so much.....i've never been part of a more united team.....joshua, ben, and bethany are family. so often, i step back and wonder, "why the heck to we mesh so well?" i mean, yes, we're all just about as nerdy as people come.......complete with our linux platforms, sheet music, and settlers of catan board game......but i share like interests with lots of people. and it's not because we divulge every nook and cranny of our soul to each other........because, well.....we don't.

i think this family is unique because of our united purpose. we all desire to enable kids.....to help children experience the Gospel of Jesus Christ. we spent two weeks (probably could have gone more) planning every last detail in order to make sure that every game, every meal, every song had a purpose. sure, we had our disagreements about the effectiveness of various plans.......but we paused to listen. and we trusted.

why won't the Church do this? why won't we sit and enjoy each other and trust each other. why is it so difficult to strive for out primary objective of sharing the Gospel? i'm so discouraged by the splits that keep happening. is my sister's sexual orientation really that important if we're both feeding the hungry and clothing the naked? (excuse my naivety....but i'm only 21)

i have no doubt that because of our union as a staff, we were able to see 35 campers also bond as a family. examples:

• when captain cornelius cuttlefish, the not so friendly pirate came in and stole the map that the campers had spent an hour searching for, they instantly mobbed together and chased him down. bethany and i were scared for joshua's life, but at the same time, it was an incredible demonstration of unity.

• during our "loggerlympics" event, bethany and ben lead their respective sections in a spontaneous synchronized swimming event. the event would not have been a success unless the kids completely trusted their leaders and united as a family. i watched almost 20 young men pull some of the most ridiculous and utterly embarrassing stunts to "a whole new world" and "kiss the girl," because in that brief moment, they weren't self-conscious......they were excited to participate in what the group was doing

why do these kids trust us so much? and their parents too.....who leave them with us for an entire week? how do we convince the rest of the world to do the same?

the events that transpired this week were downright hilarious, inspirational, and just enjoyable. there are memories that i'll be recording here so as to avoid personal forgetfulness. you are more than welcome to continue reading, but you've already been so patient, i won't take offense if you travel to your next website instead.

• during a conversation with one of our staff, a young man made the statement "it was almost as bad as laura on sugar!" hehehe....apparently i maintain a significant amount of energy on the job.
• on the zip line, one young girl was completely horrified the whole way up. when she reached the top platform 30 minutes later (where i was waiting,) she clutched me so tightly........ in that moment i realized her trust was in me......not the ropes and carabiners that she should be trusting. what the heck do i do with that? i was so proud of madison.....yet completely blown away by her confidence in me.
• one of my favorite youtube videos is a skit by the smothers brothers titled "boil that cabbage down." (courtesy to the cousin) in the middle of this skit, one brother dives into an extensive monologue concerning pumas that jump out of crevices. during planning and orientation, our staff thoroughly enjoyed this video, and i adopted the role of "puma" whenever we had down time. once the kids arrived, this inside joke concerning these "vicious beasts" blew way out of proportion, and soon i had 35 pumas chasing me all over camp. by thursday, we had various breeds of puma including the "winged puma" and the "aquatic puma." i received puma artwork in the mail, and even a song entitled "do do do do the puma."
  

i can't believe we're doing this one more week. i'm so physically exhausted, and my voice is completely shot. this jr. high camp that we're doing only has about 10 kids enrolled, and will be of a completely different format than "logging camp." i'm stoked for what will happen this week, but also more anxious than i was last week. i actually get to give a "lesson" about defining neighbor on monday night.......gah! i was hired to lead games!

if you're still patiently reading along, would you please pray that God would move in this next week. our agenda is still very rough and we're all very tired. of course, now is the perfect opportunity for God to move, since we lack the strength to move ourselves. i can't wait.....yet i feel so unprepared.

thanks for reading! blessings!

this is camp

it's what we do.

objectives/themes

perhaps one of my favorite parts of being on staff at a camp is the orientation week.

it's a time where we (the four of us) come together and spend time dissecting and analyzing every aspect of what we do. questions surface like.....

• how do we help the campers/counselors to build relationships?
• how do we enable campers/counselors to experience the Gospel?
• how do we encourage the campers/counselors to enjoy life?
• how do we ensure that every camper/counselor feels loved?
• how can we engage the campers/counselors in taking ownership of a curriculum/program that we have (in a sense) created?

i love doing this.......to an extent, we are ensuring that every moment of each day at camp is filled with purpose. we analyze creative ways to wake the campers up in the morning.....or to grab their attention at moments of critical instruction. we discuss the powerful impact of the most simplistic gestures.......and we laugh hysterically on a regular basis at some of our ridiculous ideas.

i'm excited to see what God does with this program........and i pray that we don't get in the way

i forgot....

i'm taking a brief hiatus from israel for the next four weeks to focus a little more on camp. our final project does not need to be completed until august, so there are more pressing events with which to concern myself at the moment.

and besides.....i forgot how much i love camp....
......and how much there is to discuss


yesterday evening began our orientation week. woot! ......and due to a couple unanticipated events our original team of six has been reduced to four returning staff from last year, and our originally scheduled one week of orientation has doubled into two weeks. thus, we get to hash out a lot more brainstorming/creativity/absurdity together......and even complete a few work projects around camp. it's a good time.

but if i may be so bold as to use this space to promote "logging camp" at big bear lake to any out there still reading this blog......we have some recent developments:

our numbers are low, and so we are still accepting campers and/or counselors who are willing and eager to come up (or down) to big bear for a week at camp. we're offering a week of camp at half-price.....and even that is negotiable for those who cannot afford the expense.

so please......if you know of anyone from the age of 3rd grade to a senior in high school who would like to come to camp during the week of july 27th or the week of august 9th, visit pccci's website and make a phone call. we just want to get campers here so we can share the Gospel story, and let them enjoy life, freedom, and community for a week.

and if you don't know any interested campers, please pray for us in the next couple weeks as we do promotional spots and seek out campers who are interested and available.

pictures are available!

at last......i've posted pictures from israel to my facebook profile

for now, here's the public links to see all 300 pictures

sorry for the wait.....and the massive amount

• inspiration 1
• inspiration 2
• inspiration 3
• inspiration 4
• inspiration 5
  

i'm back

and there's at least one item that i can check off the list.....

woo hoo!



so, i'm officially back.....in hanford......sitting in my room......on my bed.

it's rather surreal to be honest. the plane landed sunday, (monday morning if you account for jetlag) my brother drove me home monday, and on tuesday we were down at church and working on vbs decorations. wednesday i was even greeted with a hearty helping of church family at our wednesday night meal and fellowship time.

it's been a busy schedule, yes. but i am enjoying myself. vbs has a very personal hold on my heartstrings.

but back to digesting israel....

• "how was your trip?"
  
• "are you glad to be back?"
• "are you glad you went?"

it's funny to expect these questions for so long and still have no straight answer for them. yes, i'm very glad to be home and with my family. this trip has widely opened the lines of communication with some of my closest brothers and sisters..........but i do miss israel.

silly.....isn't it?......i was there for less than a month.......less than 0.3984% of my total lifetime (1 out of 251 months) and i want to go back?! one sister described it better than i ever could:

you've only just touched the tip of the iceberg. and you know that there's so much more to experience beneath surface. you want to go back because you want to learn so much more than you could in these three weeks.

it's true. i've had barely a taste and now i want the full meal. but i am not in israel for a while. i need to be present here.....and i want to be. i want to share my experience with anyone who will listen. but be warned......i can tell if you are genuniely interested or not. we don't have to talk about israel next time we meet if you are uninterested. i'd love to hear about your last month as well.

as a final parting thought. just because i am back from "the holy land," does not imply the end of this blog. i will hopefully acquire permission to use this blog as a final project for the israel course....meaning pictures and explainations of sights and sounds will be coming shortly.

also, summer camp at big bear lake and rancho la sherpa begins on july 12th, so i hope to continue blogging about that as time permits.

dialogue with you more soon! thanks for staying engaged!

yad vashem

i've waited two days to comment on it......because i want to get it right.

i still won't do it justice.

a small group of us watched schindler's list on tuesday night before going to yad vashem holocaust memorial and museum the next morning. this was my first viewing of the movie.....and it definitely ripped my heart in some places.......but in many ways, it was still a movie.

yad vashem was different.

at yad vashem we spent an (inadequate) three hours walking through the rise of nazi germany.....the immigration of jews.......the movement to ghettos......models of death camps.....etc.....etc......etc...... we saw propaganda posters, flags, and christian documents advocating for the extinction of the "inferior" races. we saw artwork and poetry and even board games created by jewish prisoners in the ghettos. we listened to testimony after testimony of a handful of survivors about the horrible conditions and brutality they experienced. there were lists of names, piles of shoes, mounds of personal items and momentos that were torn from families as they were taken away.....like cattle.....

behind one particular glass case was an advertizement for "cheap paper" that read something like: "inexpensive paper, one side has ink that can be easily washed and reused." also behind the glass were cut-outs of this "cheap paper" that were shaped like shoe inserts

......it was a torah scroll....

another section of the museum displayed 5 concrete fenceposts brought directly from auschwitz and the "welcome" gate that reads "work sets you free" in german. not only are the posts extremely tall, but they curve inward......even without barbed wire, it's a hopelessly suffocating experience...


the museum ended with media samples from liberation.......and then the memorials begin

.......the hall of names.....photograph after photograph after photograph of victims of the holocaust........and floor to ceiling rows of binders collecting names and many other forms of documentation related to each of the six million fatalities.

.......the children's memorial.......an underground dark room full of mirrors and small lights positioned in such a way that the light is multiplied infinitely.........like stars in deep space.......a recording reads the name, age, and nationality of each murdered child......



i can't adequately describe all the emotions/feelings that occur after an experience like this. especially not on a public blog.....sorry.....i'm humbled, angered, saddened, frustrated........

it was such carefully calculated and measured abuse of people......and it was just one event that received global attention! how many more incidents of genocide, torture, and prejudice occur each day in other ignored areas of the world?! even in our own cities......

and we ignore it.......some even claim it never happened.......it's easier to be ignorant....doesn't hurt as much.

when will the excuses stop......and something will be done to change the mess?

goodbye jerusalem...

things i'll miss

• hummus, olives, and pita with virtually every meal
• the google and blogger homepage in hebrew text and right-justified text
• shopkeepers who know how to say "i make you a deal" in 12 different languages
• tea with mint
• limestone (streets, staircases, walls, bridges..........)
• the "ancient" feel......this place is rooted in thousands of years of tradition
• the community
  

things i won't miss

• horns (the traffic language)
  
• hot-sweaty-humid days (though i know there's pleanty more waiting for me in the states)
  
• the crowds at "tourist" locations

i know some of you will be disappointed to hear this, but
......i just can't wait to come back some day.

academia

today we visited the garden tomb at 17:00 and then the church of the holy sepulchre at 19:00.

both sites claim to be the place of Christ's death and resurrection.....golgotha and the tomb..... but one seems slightly more legitimate than the other.

the garden tomb is located right next to a bus stop on the northern end of the old city. though the tomb is a "rolling stone tomb," it completely lacks authenticity in the archaeological and academic world. for one, the tomb dates to at least 700 years before Christ.....thus not qualifying as a "new, fresh tomb" as scripture requires. other evidence includes a cistern built by the crusaders that was supposedly used to water the garden at the time of Jesus, as well as a rock shaped like a skull that probably only exists as a result of fairly recent incidents of erosion.



the church of the holy sepulchre resounds with supporting evidence. mainly......the pilgrimage of many thousands of Christians to this spot (since the time of Constantine). also, this site was attacked, thus destroying an unfortunate amount of physical evidence regarding the site. therefore, although there is little physical evidence, because the place is deeply saturated in tradition, it seems a likely candidate for the site of the crucifixion and resurrection.





i must confess.....walking through the garden tomb frustrated me.......a person who thinks before she feels. why is so much time and money devoted to a site that is so blatantly inaccurate?

but dr. mullins explained it....

up until about 150 years ago, protestant christians had no location for pilgrimage, and no place in jerusalem to feel fully at home and connected with God. muslims have the dome of the rock, jews have the wall, and catholics claimed the sepulchre. therefore, the garden tomb serves as a place of worship rather than academia. the holy sepulchre is full to the brim of icons and images.....it glitters with candles, lamps, gold and silver everywhere....clearly causing distractions for worshipers not accustomed to eastern orthodox liturgy.

it's very humbling to come to a place where i thought i had the upper hand.....those ignorant fools who think they have the right location.....they should research.....

yet....i don't need to protest the use of the garden tomb for worshipers.....for academia is not usually the pilgrim's interest. and honestly, archaeologists cannot say which tomb (of multiple found) is considered "the tomb."

it's difficult to find harmony between the heart and mnd.

woah.....wasn't expecting that

more incredible recent events...

1. spent three hours in yad vashem (a holocaust memorial)
2. spent three hours talking with "vin diesel" (a muslim shopkeeper) about everything from islam, to politics, to the price of groceries, to modesty--or lack thereof--of tourists
3. spent two hours at the western wall
4. saw two of the isaiah scrolls in the dead sea scrolls collections......and more artifacts from qumran
5. saw the church of the holy sepulcher

wow.....and i'm supposed to take an exam tomorrow?!?!